6 Things I Am As Old As

Yesterday I celebrated my twenty-fifth, or silver birthday. Since I didn't really have anything interesting to write for the entire month of February except "My friend Byron is 26 again!" and "I want to kiss David Bowie!", I decided to kick off March by indulging my taste for trivia (shut up) and honing my research skills (well, Google skills) by making a list of some interesting (or not) things that are the same age as I am.

1. Laptops.

The first official "laptop" computer, the IBM PC Convertible, was released in 1986. I don't know whose lap it could possibly be meant for, except perhaps André the Giant's.

2. Nicotine patches.

Patented in 1990, this smoking cessation aid was invented by Frank T. Etscorn in 1986. Thanks to Mr. Etscorn and his invention's failure to address the oral fixation of most smokers, we now have a generation of compulsive pen-suckers. Which is why I always carry my own pens.

3. LISTSERV.

Eric Thomas developed the first electronic mailing list software application in 1986. Thanks for making it easier for clueless co-workers and semi-literate relatives to spam my inbox with urban legends and junior-high-calibre dirty jokes, douche.

4.  Disposable cameras.

Ever the innovators in photographic devices, Fujifilm released the first disposable camera in 1986.  Somehow I doubt the Japanese developers responsible for this machinery foresaw their invention's being used to capture the unforgettable moment when some asshole teabags the punch bowl at weddings.


5. Pixar.

Later to delight us with such masterpieces as Toy Story and Monsters, Inc., Pixar Animation Studios first opened its doors on 3 February 1986.

6. Tim Horton's "Roll Up the Rim to Win" promotion.

Every spring since 1986, millions of caffeinated Canucks have flocked to their local Timmy Ho's in a frenzy -- not only for their caffeine fix, but also for the adrenaline rush one gets from gulping the last dregs of tepid double-double and digging their thumbnails into the waxy paper to grasp at the endless sweet possibilities beneath. The disappointment of a "Please Play Again" or the subtle "fuck you" of a free 90-cent donut rivals death in many ways.